We were on a road trip, driving through the night on our way to Georgia from Pennsylvania, when my friend poured out her heart, sharing her childhood woes and the abuse she’d endured: primarily, the dreaded Olive Loaf. For those of you who are not aware of this torture tactic used by parents to support Oscar Meyer, the Olive Loaf is a lunch meat identified as mechanically separated chicken with propionate & benzoate, olives, pimentos and various ingredients designed to preserve that which should not be preserved.
This lunch meat has been on the market for 120 and yet most of us wonder how. My friend doesn’t just wonder; she is tortured by the memory of sack lunches and picnics in the park.
Ironically, this lunch meat is one of the most donated items at food banks and non-profit shelters. Is this kindness or cruelty? It’s hard to say since even the hungry seem to pass on this particular delicacy. Tonight, I sought to re-purpose this meat, to transform the dreaded Olive Loaf from torture to a taste sensation. It would require creativity, ingenuity and superhuman powers.
I didn’t give myself time to reconsider this project, but jumped into the task with the speed of a Food Network Chopped Champion. Tearing open the package, I ignored the individual slices, pulled it out as a block and diced it. I sauteed it in a pan of garlic and onions, sprinkled with red pepper chipotle seasoning.
A quick pie crust was spread across a pan and the bottom brushed with a barbeque and salsa mixture. After sprinkling a layer of shredded parmesan & romano cheese, I added a layer of mixed vegetables followed by a layer of the sauteed meat. I then sprinkled the top with goat cheese crumbles and poured a mix of 4 eggs beaten with 1/4 cup of cream. A pinch of salt, pepper and parsley on top for seasoning, and this experiment was ready to cook (350 degrees).
About 30-40 minutes later ….
The taste testers – or victims depending on the results – lined up to be served. There were no screams or cries for freedom; I was not attacked by an angry mob of processed meat vigilantes. Instead, they thanked me and asked for seconds, oblivious to the hidden evil of this savory pie.
Tonight, for a short fifteen minutes, Oscar Meyer was redeemed when his Olive Loaf took center stage and people lived to tell about it. Tonight, I was wonder woman and it felt good.
Selah!
by G. Anne Bassett 
OMG that’s hilarious. And it worked. You turned the un-eatable, the un-meat into something great. Only a true artist can do that!
That is fantastic! Question is…what other nightmare can you tackle next? Looks good!